ATHEIST IN THE WOODS
An atheist was walking through the woods, "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside a river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path, looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder once again, and the bear was even closer than before. Suddenly, he tripped and fell.
He
rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top
of him, reaching for him with his left paw raising his right paw
to strike him down.
At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!'
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The
atheist looked directly into the light, and said: "It would be
hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now,
but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well", said the voice.
The
light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed...and the bear
dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head &
spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Things you need and need to do in college...
1. Take pictures.
2. Bring lots of quarters - more than you think you'll need - ever.
3. Take a nap
on Sunday afternoons in the Winter.
4. Volunteer outside of the academic sphere
on a regular basis - soup kitchens and homeless shelters. 5. After visiting friend's houses, always send thank you cards.
6. Never take a
course because it looks easy. It won't be.
7. Most colleges and universities
have a free counseling center. This is the only time in your life when
counseling will be free. Take advantage of this.
8. Remember to deal with major
problems before taking on any kind of serious relationship.
9. After receiving a
recommendation from a professor, send a thank you note.
10. Keep a journal.
Things happen fast.
11. Make sure your professors know your name. The earlier the
better.
12. Cigarettes are not a good way to handle stress. In fact, some people
actually find functional lungs extremely relaxing.
13. Vote. That's what absentee
ballots are for.
14. If you're drinking alcohol, drink at least as much water.
This will re-hydrate your body and prevent a hangover the next day.
15. Go to a
local diner with friends at 1am and order breakfast.
16. If you find yourself single on Valentine's Day, go out to
dinner with other single friends and talk about how great it is to be single.
If necessary, lie.
17. Get involved in small study groups -- especially for hard
classes.
18. Learn how to give a great back-rub. Find someone who has already
learned how to do so. Visit this person often.
19. Memorize the phone numbers of
the people who live above you and next to you. When they're making noise at
3am, you won't be in the mood to look them up.
21. Learn how to take a
compliment. Smile and say thank you.
22. Figure out how your body responds to caffeine
and use it accordingly. Just because your roommate can drink 5 consecutive cups
of espresso doesn't mean you can too.
23. Don't date someone who doesn't want your
friends to know about the relationship.
24. Learn how much sleep you need to
function properly. Some people need 10. . . others need 4.
25. Memorize the
number to call for campus emergencies.
26. Memorize the number for Domino's Pizza.
Realize that, at times, this may be the same number as the one for campus emergencies.
27. Overcome the temptation
to complain about how much work you have to do. Chances are, if you have two
exams, a paper, and an oral presentation to give on the same day, the person
you're complaining to will have three exams, five lab reports, and a meeting
with the Dean.
28. Always be nice to the housekeeping, maintenance, and food
staff. They have to deal with more crap than you do.
29. On the first meeting
with parents of friends and dates, AVOID all subjects of possible contention,
including politics, money, and religion. Especially religion.
31. Plan ahead and
make lists. Even if you lose them, you are still more likely to remember
something if you wrote it down at one point.
32. Be persistent. Eight times is
not too much to try for something you really want.
33. Find friends who are different from you, even radically so.
Learn from them.
34. Don't go on vacation or even a weekend trip without washing your dishes.
35. Dance.
Preferably in a large group to old music to the point of exhaustion.
Opportunities to do this outside of college are rare, and more expensive.
36. Road trip. Doesn't matter where, when, or why. Find some friends, some music,
a destination, and a functional car.
37. Use foul-weather gear: umbrellas, hats,
scarves, gloves. In high school, you thought, "That looks stupid,"
and it was uncool. In college, you think, "Man, I'm cold," and it is
smart.
38. Do one thing at a time.
39. Know that, if you're in over your head, you
are swimming in good company.
40. Know who you can call at 3 o'clock in the
morning.
41. Avoid phrases like, "There are other fish in the sea."
when comforting others about break-ups. When in need of comfort, avoid people
who use such phrases.
42. Always carry 5 pens. One to use, 3 to lose, and one to
lend to the interesting person next to you.
43. Double check your alarm at night.
AM means morning. PM will not help you get to class.
44. Every once in a while, reevaluate your rules. Know why you
do and do not do things.
45. Keep other people's secrets.
46. Share secrets of your
own. Let your friends know who you really are.
47. When life gets you down, dress
up. Or dress up just for the hell of it. Surprise people. When they ask,
"Why do you look so pretty today?" answer, "I was born that way."
48. Recognize
your limitations. Ask for help.
49. Recognize your strengths. Offer help.
50. Learn
to say, "No."
51. Own a hat or a nice barrette. Some days are just not
good hair days.
52. Write your name on things you really want to keep. It will at least give you a fighting chance.
53. Wash stains right
away. If you wear white, buy bleach.
54. Smile. It rarely hurts anything.
55. Bring
or buy Advil, Aspirin, or Tylenol. Sometimes life hurts.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Fed up with school lunch?
Just another day...getting out of class and as you're walking along, POOF - HUNGER STRIKES! Ok, so maybe it's not so dramatic as all that, but you know what, every person in the world knows this feeling. You were busy with something, and as soon as you finish whatever was occupying your thoughts, you suddenly realize just how hungry you are. Now, if you're a student, whether it's in the K-12 system or in college, the quickest and easiest option for you is the dining hall. But you know in the back of your mind what dining hall food does to your digestive tract...it sends your running to the bathroom every hour or so trying to clean that greasy hell out of your body with a vicious bowel movement.
You see, where I go to school, the company that provides our food is supposedly one of the healthiest. They provide nutrition facts and all sorts of options, like Chinese, Mexican, Italian, hamburgers, sub sandwiches and salads, but it is almost never enough. The Chinese is deep fried, the Mexican is fried too! The Italian is greasy pizza and slimy noodles that have been let set out so long that they're cold. The hamburgers are hard to choke down, because you can just feel the grease making it slither away. This food brings real meaning to the TV shows where the old lunch lady plops radioactive goop on a tray for a student. Now bear in mind - THIS ^^ is college food. High school and elementary is so much worse, because there are usually about three options, all just as greasy and unhealthy as the last. At least we have the option of salad in college, even if it is a little droopy and gross. Those kids don't stand a chance in the obesity battle. We're feeding our younger generations food that is low grade, barely edible and so packed with preservatives that it could probably outlast the human race when the world ends in 2012.
And then, there's the adults. When you're at work, or out trying to accomplish something, and then hunger hits you, where do you go? The freezer? Look for some microwavable meals? To McDonalds? Because that's where a high percentage of the adult population of the United States goes.
What has happened that keeps us trapped in this never ending circle of fast food, frozen dinners and grease? A lack of time and money. Since I lack both of these things as well, I suppose I am the ideal candidate to come up with some menu ideas that are cheap, fast and easy enough for even the worst cook to succeed at. Staple number one for the easiest, quickest meal ever? Ramen.
College student favorite, right? WRONG! We hate the plain old packaged ramen because we eat it so much! So why ramen then? Because it has great potential. Come on now, it's $0.25 a package. Can't get much cheaper than that.
So how about some easy ways to throw a curve ball into the world of ramen!
First, grab a package of your Oriental flavored ramen. Cook it in a bowl of water in your microwave for 4-6 minutes, depending on the strength of your microwave. Add in your seasoning, stir it around, drain most of the water off, then stir fry with frozen veggies! Done, and done. Easy chinese, thats actually healthy for you.
Frozen vegetables are wonderful, even if not much else frozen is, because in order to freeze most veggies, you have to do it straight after they are picked. So, they are definitely fresher and not nearly as processed as their canned counterparts. And a bag of frozen stir fry veggies is pretty quick and easy to find, as well as cheap. If you want to, on the other hand use fresh veggies, by all means do! On a budget, fresh veggies are expensive and can quickly eat away at your price, but if you have the time to cut them up, the money to buy them, and the desire to do both, by all means, do it!
How about another recipe idea!
Grab a package (or two!) of chicken, or roasted chicken flavored ramen. Cook it for 4-6 minutes in the microwave, stir in your chicken seasoning, and drain off all but about 1/2 a cup of water. Now stir in 2tbsp butter, and 1 1/2 tsp garlic powder. Easy garlic butter noodles!
Italian and Chinese are the easiest types of food to make with ramen, since there are always lots of noodle recipes. Substituting ramen noodles for spaghetti noodles and topping with Ragu tends to work out well (omit the seasoning packet of course). Making a pesto out of olive oil and Italian seasoning also works well. One of my personal favorites is to top it with Kraft Zesty Italian salad dressing and either have a chilled or a warm pasta salad. Another easy thing to do is to cook your ramen to be mostly done, but not fully done, so that the noodles are a tiny bit crispy still, then toss them with spinach in a frying pan and add a few tablespoons of Caesar dressing. The pasta will finish cooking in the frying pan with the Caesar, and the spinach will wilt just slightly, enough to release the flavor. Perfect Greek pasta in a snap!
But what about lunches for our kids? Students that are K-12 can't exactly fix this sort of thing for themselves at school even if college students and busy adults can. So what do we do to help give them healthy meals that are still on a budget for us, and quick to fix to send them off with in the morning? Some tips on helping keep your child's lunch healthy, on a budget and still ready to go early in the morning without excessive thought for those of us that arn't morning people.
You see, where I go to school, the company that provides our food is supposedly one of the healthiest. They provide nutrition facts and all sorts of options, like Chinese, Mexican, Italian, hamburgers, sub sandwiches and salads, but it is almost never enough. The Chinese is deep fried, the Mexican is fried too! The Italian is greasy pizza and slimy noodles that have been let set out so long that they're cold. The hamburgers are hard to choke down, because you can just feel the grease making it slither away. This food brings real meaning to the TV shows where the old lunch lady plops radioactive goop on a tray for a student. Now bear in mind - THIS ^^ is college food. High school and elementary is so much worse, because there are usually about three options, all just as greasy and unhealthy as the last. At least we have the option of salad in college, even if it is a little droopy and gross. Those kids don't stand a chance in the obesity battle. We're feeding our younger generations food that is low grade, barely edible and so packed with preservatives that it could probably outlast the human race when the world ends in 2012.
And then, there's the adults. When you're at work, or out trying to accomplish something, and then hunger hits you, where do you go? The freezer? Look for some microwavable meals? To McDonalds? Because that's where a high percentage of the adult population of the United States goes.
What has happened that keeps us trapped in this never ending circle of fast food, frozen dinners and grease? A lack of time and money. Since I lack both of these things as well, I suppose I am the ideal candidate to come up with some menu ideas that are cheap, fast and easy enough for even the worst cook to succeed at. Staple number one for the easiest, quickest meal ever? Ramen.
College student favorite, right? WRONG! We hate the plain old packaged ramen because we eat it so much! So why ramen then? Because it has great potential. Come on now, it's $0.25 a package. Can't get much cheaper than that.
So how about some easy ways to throw a curve ball into the world of ramen!
First, grab a package of your Oriental flavored ramen. Cook it in a bowl of water in your microwave for 4-6 minutes, depending on the strength of your microwave. Add in your seasoning, stir it around, drain most of the water off, then stir fry with frozen veggies! Done, and done. Easy chinese, thats actually healthy for you.
Frozen vegetables are wonderful, even if not much else frozen is, because in order to freeze most veggies, you have to do it straight after they are picked. So, they are definitely fresher and not nearly as processed as their canned counterparts. And a bag of frozen stir fry veggies is pretty quick and easy to find, as well as cheap. If you want to, on the other hand use fresh veggies, by all means do! On a budget, fresh veggies are expensive and can quickly eat away at your price, but if you have the time to cut them up, the money to buy them, and the desire to do both, by all means, do it!
How about another recipe idea!
Grab a package (or two!) of chicken, or roasted chicken flavored ramen. Cook it for 4-6 minutes in the microwave, stir in your chicken seasoning, and drain off all but about 1/2 a cup of water. Now stir in 2tbsp butter, and 1 1/2 tsp garlic powder. Easy garlic butter noodles!
Italian and Chinese are the easiest types of food to make with ramen, since there are always lots of noodle recipes. Substituting ramen noodles for spaghetti noodles and topping with Ragu tends to work out well (omit the seasoning packet of course). Making a pesto out of olive oil and Italian seasoning also works well. One of my personal favorites is to top it with Kraft Zesty Italian salad dressing and either have a chilled or a warm pasta salad. Another easy thing to do is to cook your ramen to be mostly done, but not fully done, so that the noodles are a tiny bit crispy still, then toss them with spinach in a frying pan and add a few tablespoons of Caesar dressing. The pasta will finish cooking in the frying pan with the Caesar, and the spinach will wilt just slightly, enough to release the flavor. Perfect Greek pasta in a snap!
But what about lunches for our kids? Students that are K-12 can't exactly fix this sort of thing for themselves at school even if college students and busy adults can. So what do we do to help give them healthy meals that are still on a budget for us, and quick to fix to send them off with in the morning? Some tips on helping keep your child's lunch healthy, on a budget and still ready to go early in the morning without excessive thought for those of us that arn't morning people.
- Watch what they eat when they're at home! Do they love green beans? Drop some frozen sugar snap peas into their lunch box, and along with keeping the other food cold, they should be thawed enough to eat by lunch time!
- Try cutting up some carrot sticks or putting in a handful of cherry tomatoes. Pretzels and tortilla chips are also cheap and easy options! If your child likes dip, try getting a snack box with a dip container in the middle, and filling it with french onion dip, peanut butter or even hummus for the more adventurous eaters. Just a tablespoon or two of dip should suffice, so a simple container of generic brand dip can go a very long way!
- While the standard apple is a great go-to fruit for lunch since they’re sturdy and unlikely to get squashed, they are also getting to be rather expensive! The cheaper option? think about picking up some frozen berries or fruit mixes from the store, and putting them in a container with a sprinkling of sugar.
- Yesterday’s dinner in a container with a small spoon can be a nice change of pace to the parade of endless sandwiches, and it helps them learn to love leftovers just as much as we adults do, right? ;)
- Is your child so bored with their sandwich that they won’t take a bite? Arrange a selection of things in their lunchbox, like tomato, lettuce, deli meat and a slice of cheese, and let them build their own sandwich!
- For school, stick to water. Most juices are full of sugar and make a reusable bottle smelly. They’re not very good at quenching thirst, and they're more expensive.
- Find food items that are easy to make ahead of time, such as tortilla chips— pop them in a bag and put them in the lunchbox with a bowl of salsa and call it good!
Mayonnaise Jar and a Beer
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him: a very large, empty mayonnaise jar, golf balls, aquarium pebbles, sand, and a beer.When class began, he picked up the mayonnaise jar and began to fill it with the golf balls. When every last golf ball was in place, he asked his students if the jar was full. They all agreed that it was. He thin picked up the bag of aquarium pebbles and poured them in the jar, shaking it slightly. He asked again if the jar was full. Again, they agreed that it was in fact full. Next the professor dumped in the sand, and it filled up everything other space left in the jar. He asked one more time if the jar was full, and the students abashedly agreed once more that it was. The professor then opened the top on the beer, and poured its contents into the jar effectively filling all possible empty space. The students giggled at their professors antics, and after the laughter subsides, the professor said, "Now, I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your passions. If everything else was lost, and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else - the little things. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for all the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children, your parents, visit with your grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of your golf balls first - those are the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students then asked what the beer represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked. The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there is always room for a beer with a friend."
When life gets going, the old saying holds true, because the going does indeed get tough. Things almost never turn out the way you want them to, or the way you had them planned. In the life of a broke college student, you plan for that money that you get for your monthly budget to last for the whole month, but when it turns up that your car breaks down, or you need groceries to avoid the dining hall olestra grease, then it kind of makes the comic book "POOF!" seem real. As the money goes down, the stress goes up. When the homework goes up, so does the stress, and as the semester winds down, the stress before finals takes its last hike up. But you know what, this philosophy professor might have known a thing or two, because when you feel that stress sinking down on your shoulders, no matter its cause, if you stop, slow down and remember the advice in this story, it will make you feel better. Because thinking about life like this is a fantastic simplifier. The world just gets easier to deal with when you think of life as big things and little things, especially when you slow down enough to put them all in the right order. So always remember, life is hard. No one ever said that it would be easy - they just promised that it would be worth it.
When life gets going, the old saying holds true, because the going does indeed get tough. Things almost never turn out the way you want them to, or the way you had them planned. In the life of a broke college student, you plan for that money that you get for your monthly budget to last for the whole month, but when it turns up that your car breaks down, or you need groceries to avoid the dining hall olestra grease, then it kind of makes the comic book "POOF!" seem real. As the money goes down, the stress goes up. When the homework goes up, so does the stress, and as the semester winds down, the stress before finals takes its last hike up. But you know what, this philosophy professor might have known a thing or two, because when you feel that stress sinking down on your shoulders, no matter its cause, if you stop, slow down and remember the advice in this story, it will make you feel better. Because thinking about life like this is a fantastic simplifier. The world just gets easier to deal with when you think of life as big things and little things, especially when you slow down enough to put them all in the right order. So always remember, life is hard. No one ever said that it would be easy - they just promised that it would be worth it.
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